The Silence of God

Today I am saddened by the so many things. All around me I see people falling apart at the seams. And while much of the discord and brokenness is self-afflicted, it is still very unsettling. I am reminded of the many times that I have seemingly wandered aimlessly through a wilderness of doubt and fear. Self-deprecation and abasement have often left me searching for the sense of purpose or hope that makes life what is was meant to be. What I have found in so many times, is that in several case I am the primary cause for the wilderness I walk through. I have found that in times when I should have been faithful to prayer and study, I was lazy. When I should have sought council, I cowered in a corner of self-pity and pride. I am an advocate for life's experiences to make and shape me into the person I have been called to be; however, I also prefer the reality of honesty that demands I quit being a 0verstimulated toddler who gets whatever he wants and wets his pants if he doesn't! Also, I recognize that some of life's experiences were beyond my control. That in fact I had little if any say in how the events of life unfolded. Realizing this was incredibly important to me. When I could accept that in some ways, my life is truly not my own. That in so many moments, if not all of them, the Hand of God was present and directing my life well beyond my own dominion. -While I recognize that this concept will not set well with those who naively assume that they hung the sun they stare at daily or painted the grass that grows without their assistance, it is not my objective to entertain the simplicity of "popular science" as it is contrasted with rudimentry logic- I am currently where God had foreknew I would be. It is not a suprise to Him; therefore, it should not surprise me. I will welcome the challenges of daily living knowing that as the day passes, new challenges will arrive-whether I anticipate them or not. As a result, I will trust Him who breathed into a pile of dirt and created my father. He alone is able to see the end; therefore, I will trust that it is worth more than what I see today. I will step out of the boat and pray I don't sink-trusting that I won't.