My Escape

As a young kid, I used to hide in my room for hours. Reading, listening to music, playing with my wrestling action figures.(not to be confused with “dolls”) It would be fair to assume that countless hours were spent attempting to create my own stable world in the one place that promised an opportunity to be exactly who I wanted. A world that was free from regret, free from doubt, free from the loss of time, free from a life less lived, because as it were in the midst of that space none of those fears existed. As a I got older, I found less opportunity to steal away to those moments. Excavating treasure Island was replaced with algebra and conjugating sentences. Pretending I was in concert on my 5th encore was replaced with angst and frustration as puberty robbed me of the great wonder of acceptance. I boxed up the action figures (not dolls) and put away my childhood in hopes of finding greater purpose in the world of adolescence. As time passed, so did the ambition of wonder. Much in the same way that those childhood moments of seemed to be released into the sky like a helium filled balloon, I watched the mystery pass away. Occasionally, I would steal away on a walk with my headphones and only the greatest of music selections for an hour or two. I found that I longed for the security of earlier days. Those moments when the expectations were not so overwhelming and the greatest conflict was determining which world title belt Sting would get. As I passed from the teenage years to adulthood, I got further and further away from the hope of yesterday. And yet as those times had passed, I began to look more earnestly at what yesterday had left me. While I did enjoy the moments of departure from reality, reality was to be far more important that those moments. With adulthood, I have found some new and wonderful escapes. The smile of my son and the celebration of all that is musical from my daughters. The wonder of marriage and what happens when people “become one”. The challenges sometimes prove to be more rewarding than the rewards- although the rewards cannot be fully expressed in words. I am finding that my life is rich. Even in moments when I pursue clarity, I know that I am not alone in my pursuit. My wife is the essence of patience when it comes to me. However, she is also the epitome of a helpmeet. I have found that she is available always-as long as she is not playing sudoku or spider solitaire. She is my escape. She is my rescue. Also, wrestling with her is a lot more fun!